Such an optimistic kid. As an adult, however, she reflected upon that as quite naive. Maturity seemed to entail an acceptance of negativity, as a survival tactic -- a more sophisticated method of prevailing. It even seemed cool: A desirable trait. She clearly recalled starting to assert herself in a forceful way and thinking, well, now I've got it! Which felt very powerful at the time. Positive thinking seemed pollyanna-like and laughable. But Illumination gradually crept into her dark frame of mind -- that faintest ray of light which irrepressibly brightens. She began to examine the roots of her negativity. The revelations initiated its removal.
Now, despite relative, comparative freedom from a contracted mindset, balancing thought and emotion is still a challenge. She learns to accept and let go, yet extended presence remains elusive. A few days ago, impatience and temper flared and could easily have sent her swinging backward into shame and guilt and sorry and all that thinking, urging her back into sleep. But ... didn't. Didn't go there. She did not go anywhere.
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