Deal Breaker

It's our old story, I keep telling myself.
Kept telling myself -- I'm over it now.
Or getting past it
(keep telling myself that one too)

Did I ever believe it?
Belief now being a suspect concept --
a cheating game of solitaire.

Another pretty picture, and I'm back.
The territory within the framework
is such a forgiving place.
I trust you there.  Don't I?
Trust -- again, our self-deceptive words at play.
I know you.
I know you are not there for me.

Sometimes we seem so close.
Why shoot such flights of fancy out of my sky?
What harm?  The if-onlys, the playful imaginings,
the comforting untruths.  

That would be hope --
cruelest escapee from the forbidden box,
the way it hangs in there.

Acceptance:  Now there's a deal breaker.

And yet, as ever,
I am here.